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What Is Dependent Personality?

Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is defined by an excessive need to be taken care of by others.

People with DPD become emotionally overdependent on other people and spend great effort trying to please others. This personality type tends to display needy, passive, submissive and clinging behavior, and has a fear of separation. They often rely heavily on others for decision-making, reassurance, and support, and may struggle with feelings of helplessness and inadequacy

Dependent Personality differs from simply being codependent, however. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship style where someone is over invested in taking care of the other, whereas DPD is an extreme dependence on others for decision making and support.

Diagnostic Criteria: Symptoms and Examples

A pervasive need to be taken care of as indicated by at least 5 out of 8 of the following symptoms:

Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others

People with DPD rely on others, usually one person, for direction. They may depend on their spouse to tell them what kind of job to look for, who to associate with, etc. It’s more than occasional indecisiveness but a profound reliance on others to affirm their decisions.

Dependent personalities may have trouble deciding what to wear, whether or not they should carry an umbrella to work, or what to make for dinner without input from others. They may also downplay their skills or abilities so as to not lose any support.

2. Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life

Many people with DPD tend to be passive and allow other people to take initiative for major areas of their lives. They feel that they can’t be responsible or that they’ll make the wrong decisions. This personality may allow their partner or another trusted person to control the finances, decide where to live, or where to work. They feel too insecure to manage these areas themselves.

What sets this symptom apart is that the need for others to assume a dominant role goes beyond what’s age appropriate or situation appropriate (like a child asking for guidance, or elderly/handicapped needs). They entrust significant life responsibilities to others.

3. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. (Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution)

Because they fear losing support or approval, individuals with Dependent Personality Disorder often have difficulty expressing disagreement with other individuals, especially those on whom they are dependent. They might lack opinions or be hesitant to demand even the most basic request.

These individuals feel so unable to function alone that they will agree with things that they feel are wrong rather than risk losing the help of those whom they look to for guidance. They do not get appropriately angry at others. However, if their fears are realistic (in the instance of fearing retribution from an abusive spouse) then DPD is not considered. Again, this must be present in several contexts and last persistently.

4. Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)

Often times people with DPD believe they need help to begin and carry through tasks, usually waiting until others start because they may do better. It’s a profound self doubt rather than laziness. They are, however, likely to function adequately if given the assurance that someone else is supervising and approving. There may be a fear of becoming or appearing to be more competent, because they may believe that this will lead to abandonment.

Because they rely on others to handle their problems, they often do not learn the skills of independent living. Being unable to do things on their own doesn't stem from lacking motivation, but anxiousness about their own skills.

5. Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant

Their need to maintain a bond usually results in distorted or imbalanced relationships. They may make extraordinary self sacrifices or tolerate abuse (DPD is only considered if there were other safe options available for the individual to take).

They may be willing to submit to what others want even if the demands aren’t reasonable. For example, if their support person likes hiking, Dependents may hike with them three times a week just to be close even if they’re uncomfortable or hate the task. This symptom goes beyond occasional compromise but instead involves abandoning their own boundaries to get support.

6. Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself

Many people with DPD feel like they can’t take care of themselves and usually rely on others to take care of their basic emotional or physical needs. These personalities often feel weak and unable to function day to day without support from others.

They might tag along with important others even if they’re not interested or involved in the activity just so they don't have to be alone. This fear of being by themselves happens because the person with DPD worries that everything will fall apart if left to their own devices.

7. Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends

They may believe they are unable to function in the absence of a relationship (lover, caregiver and so on). They become attached quickly and don’t really discriminate against potential partners or relationships.

Instead of taking time to process the loss or become more independent, they quickly try to find someone else to take on that same supportive or caretaking role. This next person could be a new partner, friend, family member, or even someone they barely know, as long as they can fill that emotional or practical support gap.

8. Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself

Even if they are capable, people with DPD don’t believe they can function independently, and that belief causes a lot of anxiety. A person with this trait is constantly worried that the people they rely on (like a partner, friend, or family member) will leave them or stop helping them, and they believe they won’t be able to manage on their own.

These fears go beyond what’s realistic and are often disproportionate to the actual situation. The person might cling to others, avoid making independent decisions, or stay in unhealthy relationships just to avoid being alone.

Fictional Case Study

Louise is a 38 year old mom of two. She started therapy to learn to deal with feeling anger and resentment toward her own mother. She’s careful when she talks to her, worried she’ll accidentally say the wrong thing. Louise indicates she’s closer to her grandmother than her mother but has a strong relationship with her dad.

Louise describes herself as passive, often hiding any anger by running herself ragged or beating herself up. She has trouble relaxing and enjoying life because she’s always focused on the needs of others.

She reports that her ex husband was verbally and physically abusive. She worries greatly about being alone and being able to properly take care of herself with him gone, often feeling helpless. No severe medical problems are reported but Louise sometimes complains of headaches, anxiousness, fatigue and trouble sleeping.

After a thorough assessment, Louise is diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD).

Self Assessment

The following statements are based on traits often associated with DPD. Note: this is not a diagnostic tool and should not be used as one- for yourself or others around you. A proper diagnosis should only be made by a qualified mental health professional. These statements may, however, help an individual reflect on their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. This inventory is provided for educational and entertainment use only.

I feel lost if I don’t have someone telling me what to do.
I often second-guess myself, even with small decisions.
When I'm alone, I just feel helpless.
I go out of my way to avoid conflict so people won’t leave me.
Being on my own is terrifying, I always need someone to lean on.
I let others make important decisions for me because it just feels safer.
I avoid doing things on my own because I don’t think I can handle it.

Next: Avoidant Personality

Back To: Personality Disorders

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