Why We React

What The Four Trauma Responses Look Like:

1. Fight- The Protector

The fight response emerges when we believe we can overpower the threat. This response activates when your nervous system senses danger and decides the best way to survive is through power, control, or confrontation. It often develops in environments where you had to fight to be heard. 

Fight says, "If I can gain the upper hand, I'll be safe."

How it shows up:

🔥 Outbursts of anger that feel uncontrollable

🔥 Needing to win arguments or be seen as right

🔥 Arguing to maintain control or dominance 

🔥 Being hyperaware of surroundings, other people's behavior or tone

2. Flight- The Escapist

The flight response is all about escaping danger. This doesn’t just mean physically running away, it can show up as busyness, perfectionism, or anxiety. People in flight mode may overwork, overthink, or try to outrun their feelings. It’s rooted in the idea that safety comes from avoiding discomfort or vulnerability. Often, people with a dominant flight response grew up in unpredictable environments where staying busy and staying out of the way felt safer.

Flight says, "If I can avoid the threat, I'll be okay."

How it shows up:

📈  Racing thoughts or chronic anxiety 

📈 Difficulty relaxing 

📈 Constant busyness, overworking 

📈 Avoiding difficult conversations or conflict 

3. Freeze- The Disconnector

The freeze response happens when fight or flight isn’t an option. When we feel powerless or overwhelmed, the body may go into shutdown to numb the pain. It’s the survival instinct of playing dead. Freeze is common in situations of chronic abuse, neglect, or any environment where expressing emotion was unsafe.

Freeze says, "If I shut down, I'll be safe."

How it shows up:

🧊 Numbness, fatigue, or disconnection from the body 

🧊 Chronic procrastination

🧊 A sense of helplessness or apathy

🧊 Difficulty expressing feelings 

4. Fawn- The People Pleaser

The fawn response often develops in relationships where love was conditional or tied to compliance. It involves appeasing others to avoid conflict. This may look like over-accommodating, people pleasing, or ignoring your own needs to prioritize someone else’s. Fawning is common in people who grew up in emotionally unpredictable or abusive environments, especially where caregivers were emotionally volatile or unavailable. 

Fawn says, "If I keep everyone happy, I won't get hurt."

How it shows up:

🤝  Losing identity in relationships

🤝  Difficulty saying no or drawing boundaries

🤝 Anticipating others' needs while ignoring your own

🤝 Conflict avoidance at all costs 

So Now What?

These trauma responses are adaptive, not defective. 

They kept you alive, connected, and functioning in hard times. But healing begins when you notice that your old strategies may be limiting your current peace. The trauma responses aren’t signs of weakness but signs that your nervous system did what it had to do to survive. The problem is when these maladaptive responses continue long after the threat is gone. What once kept you safe may now keep you stuck.

Understanding your trauma responses is the first step in healing. With awareness and support, you can learn new ways of responding, ways that reflect your current reality, not your past pain.